The Struggles of a Banana

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Benjinana and his family in happier times

We kill innocents, chop them up and eat them. These creatures all have a story though. They all have a life. And this is something that needs to be kept in mind whilst you’re enjoying your dessert at their expense. Today I speak with semi-famous Benjinana Banana about the difficulties of being a Banana.

First off, thank you for taking the time to come in and talk to me. It’s really brave of you to speak out on what you feel is a major injustice going unnoticed.

Benjinana: Thank you. I really appreciate the chance to share my story. It’s rough out there for bananas these days, with the vegan uprising and such, slaughtering my people in droves. And it has been completely ignored. No one protests for our rights. No one stands up for innocent fruit being eaten alive. Since the recent rise of veganism we’ve been facing what is essentially genocide. There’s even fad diets where people have taken to eating nothing but bananas! The sickos!

 

When I first heard your story, my heart split into pieces. Can you tell me what it was like seeing your family tortured and devoured in front of you?

 Benjinana: It was horrifying! They were stripped naked and eaten alive. My mother was snapped in half and fed to two toddlers that spread her all over their faces. My brother was thrown in a blender with a couple of his best mates (an apple and some grapes) and then shred to pieces and mushed up together for some human to drink their remains. I will never get those images out of my head.

 

Gosh, that’s sounds traumatising. How did you manage to escape?

Benjinana: It was. It really was. Traumatising. Sometimes I wish I had been killed there as well. But I got lucky, I guess, if you can call it that. Saved by a pup named Banjo that pulled me from the table and took me outside. He hid me in the garden where I then managed to get my freedom. I can’t even stand to think of what would’ve happened to me if not for Banjo.

 

Since that horror though you’ve managed to really turn things around and make something of yourself. You’re quite a well known banana in your line of work, modelling for several popular fruit bowl portraits. Has this made it easier to get through each day?

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Credit: Joel Schilling/Weiner Library

Benjinana: No. You can be a star model one day, and then cut up and put in a fruit salad the next. Humans just don’t have respect for stars in the fruit industry. We act as muses for them and then once they get a pang of hunger our talents are completely discarded in their heads and we’re reduced to being a quick snack. The only thing about being a fruit model that has improved my life is meeting my beautiful wife Peelanna.

 

Peelanna is quite well known amongst fruit as well. Famous for her strip show. Have you two talked about how you’d hope to meet your end in this rough world?

 Benjinana: HA! My mum would’ve disapproved of me marrying a stripper. But she got a heart of gold that girl. We know every day we’re lucky to be alive and together, but unfortunately it’s pretty rare these days that bananas get to die of old age. That’s the dream though. I suppose we’d be happy if we could just go out of this world together… Maybe baked as a cake or something. Death is just something we accept, and just hope that it isn’t too brutal.

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Benjinana and wife Peelana make the most of their rough Banana life.
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