Jelly Hand Redemption

Some things from childhood you never get over. Having to suffer through an Australian halloween is one of them. No orange pumpkins, trick-or-treating in empty streets with the spring rain washing your face clean of vampire make up. What a struggle. It’s different now, you can get those bloody orange carving pumpkins for a few bucks at most supermarkets. Kids of today don’t have to skip 1st period to go to the Vic Market, just to pay $30 for a second rate pumpkin and end the day with a detention for wagging.

Obviously it isn’t October but Halloween in spring just isn’t right and I’m feeling autumnal. Let’s see some zombies.

This jelly hand was a yearly part of my halloween traditions, but not once did it make it to plate. Today I am asking for forgiveness and praying for redemption. I will make that bloody zombie jelly hand if I have to cut off my own and paint it green.

To achieve the unachievable you’ll need:

– A dishwashing glove! NOT a rubber glove. Trust me the bastard will betray you.

–Jelly! Preferably green. Because zombies are green. And Aeroplane. Because the song.

– Scissors! Don’t think you’re better than cutting the hand out of the glove. You’re not. No one is. Sacrifice the dishwashing glove.

–A peg or something of the sort.

–Red liquorice string stuff. For veins.

This all seems pretty self explanatory. But I’ll pretend you did spend hours of your youth being broken by a rubber glove and gelatine.

1. Mix the jelly as you usually would. Follow the box. You’re not better than the box.

2. Put the jelly in the glove. At this point you can put the red string stuff in glove as decayed veins or you can wait and just like stick it on after. (This and the following step may sound easy, but be careful. you can lose a lot of jelly in this process and end up with a sad limp zombie hand.)

3. Put the peg/s at the end of the glove. Like so:

4. Put the glove in the fridge.

5. Move on with your life. Watch a film. Go to bed. Don’t let the hand consume you.

6. If the sun has risen, take your buddy out and carefully cut him out of his rubber prison. Seriously, take your sweet time cause fingers have a tendency to fall off of zombies at the best of times.

Unfortunately for me this is the point that things started to go a bit wrong.

Things were looking promising! Disgusting even. But. Once more. I was defeated.

In the event that you fail (like i have. again.) and don’t get to live out your redemption arc remember jelly is cheap and halloween comes every year. You will beat the hand. Powder your painted ghost face and stay strong.