The date is Sunday, the seventeenth of April 2016, year of our lord, amen. I am sitting here with notorious ice tea aficionado, figure skater, qualified stage combat instructor, dorm room surgeon, Ghana film festival winner, polish line dancer, part time sweetheart and full time nasty boy:
Donald “The Hammer” Finlayson
The Daily Sip: When did your love affair with ice tea begin?
Donald: It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times. Shannon Noll had been robbed of his rightful place as Australian idol, and I think I speak for the nation when I say that a deep pain coursed throughout our community during that dark era. The sun was setting on the Erindale community swap meet, the traders were packing up their wares for the evening. However a different type of salesmen still lingered in the bohemian sunset of the swap meet.
“One taste” is all he said to me, “you might even enjoy it”
Arizona Peach Ice Tea, sweet honey, a symphony to my taste buds, truly an romantic elixir of the lord. They say that once that first sip goes down, it doesn’t come back up.
The Daily Sip: What is your current favourite variation and brand of Ice Tea?
Donald: Arizona Peach Ice Tea, from here to eternity baby. Although grape Snapple has been taking my fancy recently. The zing of those blackcurrants are certainly a bit moreish are they not?
The Daily Sip: What ice tea would you classify as being the worst on the current market?
Donald: I’ll tell you this much. I’d rather spend a night in a heart shaped bed with the likes of a Mr Clive Palmer than take a single sip of Nestea Green Tea. A offense to each of the senses, with such disgusting packaging that I suspect the ghost of Helen Keller may have been involved in its design. Simply put, it has no place on God’s green earth.
The Daily Sip: How has your devotion to the beverage shaped your day to day life?
Donald: I can’t remember a time where I was not entranced by the spell of this dark fruity liquid. In the morning I drink four litres of Aldi imitation Ice Tea just to wake myself up for university, I study aerospace engineering and stage combat. By lunch I’m usually cracking into my second Arizona, by dinner it’s usually my ninth. I’ve actually developed hands with ape like strength from cracking into so many bottles, once I twisted a coconut in half to impress me mum, there was so much desiccated coconut lying about that we made a lovely curry that evening.
The Daily Sip: What’s next for you?
Donald: I’m currently involved with an exchange student from Arizona in hopes of obtaining the secret codes to their production facility. She thinks I love her, but I’m just after the Mandarin Orange Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey Jasmine.
The Daily Sip: Any messages you want to give to the youth of today?
Donald: Live fast, sip slow
Hungry Forever.com: Go on A Tea Trail Around The World with Twelve Different Teas
Trade India.com: Arizona Ice Tea Flavours
The Personal Photo Collection of Donald Finlayson and associated Blokes