Food Cuddles. It’s a thing.

Let’s face it. Human beings are largely inadequate at being there for us when we need support. But don’t despair, comfort can be found in the arms of a companion that has never left your side – quite literally. FOOD.

Food supports us in the basic act of living, but it can be far more valuable than it’s mere functionality. Food not only knows you have ‘feelings’, it embraces those feelings – and is not afraid to do so!

So instead of feeling low and alone next time you have ‘a feeling’, let yourself be hugged and nurtured with a food cuddle. Here are 7 of the best ones ever:

1.    the ‘BREAK-UP’ cuddle

NUTELLA. No one said this list was going to be a healthy one. And this first cuddle is anything but. However, it is one of the most simple and effective food cuddles of all time. All that is required is a spoon. No bread. No crepes. No strawberries. Nutella has to be done straight from jar to mouth with no impediments. The results are immediate. 50% fat? 100% don’t care right now. Who needs a partner anyway?

(image credit: lizziejanelawson)

2.    the ‘GOING HOME ALONE’ cuddle

KEBAB. This is a timeless classic for good reason. Your hormones might trick you into thinking you want to take someone home at the end of a big night out, but you don’t. There is absolutely no greater satisfaction to be had after a skin-full of booze than a kebab. Don’t be sad. Don’t be disappointed. Be satisfied. Go home with a kebab.

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3.    the ‘SATURDAY NIGHT ON THE COUCH’ cuddle
bread wine 1.jpg

BREAD AND WINE. You’re home alone on a Saturday night. You’re the boss. Do away with mains and salads – go straight for the starch. Herby, garlicky, cheesy bread. Plus wine. It’s what Jesus would have wanted.

(image credit: lizziejanelawson)

4.    the ‘I MISS MY MUM’ cuddle
lamb roast

LAMB ROAST. Supermarkets everywhere have made it so easy to replicate the family Sunday roast. Lamb is available in smaller portions, and the veggies are chopped and seasoned. All you need to do is know how to operate an oven. But eaters, be wary – no lamb roast will ever be as good as your mum’s. But it’s worth a try.

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5.    the ‘I’VE GOT MY PERIOD’ cuddle
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ALL YOU CAN EAT. This is the cuddle that knows no bounds. The biggest and strongest of all the cuddles, it involves serious rummaging through all food storage devices without prejudice. You are entitled to it all, so best to prepare early. No limits. No apologies.

(image credit:

6.    the ‘I’VE GOT MAN-FLU’ cuddle

TAKEAWAY PIZZA. Order yourself a pizza, boys. Your girlfriend doesn’t care.

(image credit:

7.    the ‘I’M ON A DIET’ cuddle

soup nazi

NO NO NO. There is no such cuddle, because this blogger does not believe in diets. If you’re on a diet, NO CUDDLE FOR YOU!

(image credit:



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